Let Go
by DarkJadedeyes
Summary: She really has to go let go because, the last thing she needs right now is a breakdown. GregSara
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone. So yeah, Greg/Sara is my ultimate OTP and I've been working on this story for some time now. I think I'm actually almost happy with the way it's turned out. This is Part One of only two parts and takes place sometime between "Committed" and just after Greg's hair goes flat so, spoliers for Season 5. If anyone has anything constructive to say, that'd be cool. I love the feedback.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Never will be.

-

_She really has to let go._

_Actually, she knows she has to let go._

_'Cause she's thinking about him again and she's pretty sure this almost obsession, is bordering on self-destructing._

_And the last thing she needs right now is a breakdown._

_A Gil Grissom breakdown._

_Especially when it's made so brutally obvious he doesn't feel the same. She remembers looking out that barred window so vividly. She was so scared after escaping that psycho, felt so trapped, felt so intensely alone. A total overload._

_He just stared at her, a safe distance down the hall, as if afraid she were an emotional bomb, on the countdown to detonation._

_So, admitting you have a problem, is the first step to recovery, right? The first step into getting over an addiction?_

_Because that's what this is. What he is._

_An addiction._

_She's become dependent on her broken heart because, she can't remember when it wasn't in glass-like pieces, laying on the floor. It all dates back to her less-then-happy childhood. Mommy stabbed Daddy. Pretty much says it all._

_And it's like a drug. An unrequited love intoxication._

_She wants to get clean because, she's not even sure if this counts as love anymore. It's become more like self-inflicted emotion abuse. No. Torture._

_She tortures herself with wanting him. Voices in her head cutting her soul._

_"He'll never love you." It's like a slash. Imagine the blood. It all leaves her just a little more empty. Makes the void just a little bigger._

_And the system works because, no one can see the scars on the inside._

_And it's sad she needs this perfect pain._

_So, she really needs to let go._

_Before her self-destruction._

_Before the breakdown._

_-_

"Come away with me." And she's sure she's never heard that phrase sound so ridiculous in her entire life.

"What are you talking about?" She knows lately they've gotten closer. He makes her laugh, they talk. Basically, their friends but...this is just weird.

"Come away with me." He repeats, stepping into dim light of her apartment.

"Greg...I...we-" She's almost speechless because it's more of a command than open invitation. And common...it's Greg.

"Let me take you away from here." She can't help but think something's off. Like he's not himself. Drunk maybe?

Instead, she asks cautiously, "Take me where exactly?"

"Away." Or maybe he's acting too much like himself, because now she's annoyed, but his smile is so contagious, and this could just be a joke. Or, he could have just completely lost it.

"Where?"

"I need to show you something." His eyes are pleading and exhilarated and so alive, "It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." Her monotone and frown make him laugh.

"I know." And that smile is really horribly distracting, "So, you in?" She's never met anyone who could do puppy-dog eyes while smiling like that, and it's so hard to say no but it comes out anyway.

"Too bad."

Before she knows it, he's pulling her towards the door making her forgotten beer spill onto the hardwood floor, "Hey! Watch the beer!" Her scold only earning another laugh.

"Chug it!" She finds no choice but to oblige, and the bottle is gone in seconds, followed by the sound of an obviously impressed whistle.

"Wow. You're a pro." Her eyes shift to the floor, flushing slightly at the would-be compliment, "You ready _now_?"

"Greg, I've got stuff to do and-"

"This is way more important then stuff." He interrupts before she has to come up with an excuse. And just the way he's looking at her... well, her curiosity is taking over, and she's being dragged out the door when she realizes this isn't really her choice anymore.

"Why are you doing this?" She doesn't get it. He stops just before the stairs and sighs, the smile slipping from his face for the first time. She's actually sorry she's the reason why.

"I watch you."

"You watch me?" The only truly alarming part of that statement, is the fact she's almost okay with it.

"You need to let go, Sara." And now she's wondering when Greg the Swami turned into an actual mind reader. "I can see you're being torn apart." He's staring, transfixed on her face. "From the inside out."

And now she's wondering when Greg started caring so much. Caring enough to _notice_.

But then again, she thinks he's always noticed.

Her silence and sad, understanding expression seem like enough for him because, his smile has made a spectacular come back, and they're almost running down the flights, her hand held tightly in his.

-

"You're kidnaping me." She states accusingly as she stares out the car window, the sparkle of the Las Vegas nightlife illuminating the world around them in a contrast of multicolors.

"Semi-kidnaping."

"No, you're kidnaping me." She's really wants to sound more angry but she can't, "I, in no way, agreed to this...road trip or whatever the hell this is." She can't because beneath the confusion, she hates to admit, is underlining excitement and... a smile of her own fighting to be seen.

"It's only semi-kidnaping because you trust me." She turns sharply at the comment, eye brows knit together.

"How would you know?" Now she sounds angry.

"I can see it in you're eyes," He says softly while looking directly into her dark pools, "You trust me with your life." And she can feel herself melt against her will and she can't truthfully deny him.

And now she's scared.

And now she's vulnerable because, she's never trusted anyone as much as him.

But she can't help feeling that, if she falls, he'll be there to catch her.

Then it hits her, like lightening, maybe's he's waiting for_ her_ to catch _him_?

"Greg...This isn't some kind of grand, romantic gesture, is it?" Another sigh escapes his lips, only this time it's painful, and when she sees his features filled with hurt, she immediately regrets the question.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't love you, Sara." There's a broken look behind his eyes that she knows all too well.

Hold it. Back up. _Love_?

She was expecting an _"I have feelings"_ or even just an _"I like you" _if anything at all. Love definitely was not on the list.

And she wants so desperately to believe he's lying.

And she hopes she doesn't appear as shocked as she feels.

Ane somewhere inside, there's this part of her that says she's always known. And another says that she could love him too.

But where did that come from?

She doesn't want to leave him in silence, letting his confession linger heavy in the air. Only now, words just won't come.

She forgot what it felt like to be loved. Forgot it felt so terrifying and overwhelming and mind-blowing all at once.

-


	2. Chapter 2

1Author's Note:Part 2, finally!Yeah I had no intention for it to take me two months to update this.I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow and I hated the idea of procrastinatinganother month so here's the next part. Feedback is loved forever and thanks to everyone who reviewed last time.

* * *

"Sara, Sara." Greg whispers her name, voice low. "Wake up. We're here."

She groans her response, eyes open and blinking as she adjusts to the new surroundings. Her brain registers one thing:

"It's so dark."

"I know! Isn't it great?" She gives him an odd look but it's far too late to stop...whatever this is now. Not being one to go with the flow, she's still slightly shocked to find she's just letting this slide.

"Where are we?"

"Actually," he says, smile somehow bright through the shadows, "It's kind of where we're not."

And before she has time to be angry and tell him that made absolutely no_ sense_, he's out of the car, sitting on the hood and motioning through the window for her to_ hurry up already, oh, and could you please grab that flashlight? _

Eyes rolling, she reluctantly gets out and climbs into the empty spot beside him. The sleek metal and paint still warm beneath her hands from the trip. She slides closer, mimicking the way his body is so effortlessly sprawled. Leg stretched out, back leaning against the windshield and balances the flashlight in her lap. Their shoulders are touching and invading the once prized personal space. She can't bring herself to move.

"Greg, where _are _we?" The sound of her voice all but destroys the desert calm and she realizes for the first time they must be miles from the city, pulled just off the freeway. "Oh, I get it. We're "no where." Ha. Ha. Clever."

"You got it." He's still smiling and her own sarcastic smirk flatters. Her chest is heavy with the awareness of how much she misses the old Greg. He doesn't smile enough or laugh at his own jokes anymore. He even dresses like a sane person. Everything that is Greg is changing. She almost hates that she worries so much.

First year CSI can eat you alive. Green's such a dangerous color to be.

"So tell me, what exactly is the point of all this?"

He gestures around then up. Her gaze following the direction of his hand, head tilting backwards until all she can see is the sky and the thousands of stars. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Uhh yeah." She can't keep the amazement from her voice, "I think I almost forgot about stars."

He lets out a laugh that's halfway happy and halfway sad, "It's easy to forget living in Sin City over there. The neon and the lights shine so brightly, to most people, I guess real stars don't compare.

"I take it you aren't most people."

"I thought you would have figured that out by now," his eyes coming back down to earth and to look at her, "Neither are you, Sara."

That's not fair because, what can she say to that?

And with wordless understanding, they stay silent, just staring at the sky. It makes her feel small and a bit insignificant, but maybe that's not a bad thing.

She tries to keep the science from her head. Even if theory states they're spheres of gaz whole galaxies from her, they're still pretty. She pushes away the logic of supernovas and how some of those stars are dead.

And all she can hear is the sound of their steady breathing.

"This is really beautiful, Greg." She means that.

"No problem but...that's not all."

"Well, what else is there?"

"You know how I found this place?" She tears her eyes from a constellation and shakes her head. "That night after I found that kid in the container," She visibly winces.

_Eaten alive, eaten alive, eaten alive._

"Greg-"

"I couldn't sleep so, I jumped in the car and drove." He sounds so pensive it makes her ache. "Vegas is just so fake sometimes. A desert mirage away from reality. And it gets me because all the dreams born there, are based solely on greed and selfishness."

Suddenly, the stars seem so ordinary in contrast to the person on earth beside her.

"I just had to see something real and alive. I don't know, to prove I live in an actual world and not some alternate universe made up of tacky sequence and glitter. I had to get away, you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"And out here, all the thoughts about blood and death, motives and murder weapons, the killers and the victims, it all kind of just flows from your mind."

_Breathe._

"No walls or low ceilings to keep the thoughts in, to stop you from letting."

Just when she thinks she's got Greg Sanders all figured out, he goes and pulls something like _this. _Something so amazing, it places him in a whole new spectrum of light.

And it all makes her want to laugh and cry and scream. In no predetermined order. "Epiphany" doesn't really describe what's happening to her right now, it's more life altering than that.

Now she's been silent too long because she can see he's blushing even in the darkness.

"I- It's stupid. I'm sorry. I'll take you home." He's tripping over words and apologies when really, she's sort of speechless. "Let's go-"

She takes his hand and laces their fingers, ending the stream of excuses she doesn't need to hear.

"No, Greg. It's not stupid at all." She's looking down at their hands, she shouldn't be at all surprised they fit so well. "Do you- do you mind if I talk out loud? It's strange but, I want you to hear."

---

She starts her confession from the beginning. She's had monsters living in her memories for as long as she can remember. She doesn't give details, she's always found the basics are vivid enough.

One parent dead, murdered by the other. Now mom's rotting in prison, life sentence without parole.

Being thrown into the system and passed around from house to house, like a doll. She wanted to scream she was real, _here, feel my pulse._

She's lost her brother to drugs.

There's every case that's ever gotten to her, every one that's ever been thrown out. The murderers that walk free and the victims left suffering in their shadows, without justice.

And then there's falling in love with Gil Grissom. How he let her fall until she hit the ground and left her alone at rock bottom. Isn't she worth the risk?

When she's done, everything out and open, she feels a release so complete, she must have died. Because even though she'll never forget, she's free.

Greg's arm has found it's way around her shoulder, strong and safe and wonderful. His other hand smoothing away tears she didn't know were there.

"Is that all, Sara?"

"Yeah. Let's go home."

They're back in the car, but before he's got a chance to start the engine, she's grabbing his shirt and pulling him to her. Lips colliding in a crash and she kisses him with everything she can't say.

_I need you. Don't ever change. Thank you. _

They break apart, hearts beating and blood rushing in their ears.

She whispers, "I love you," against his mouth and smiles, "I would have told you soon but, I didn't want to lose that thought to the infinite universe."

"Definitely not."

---

End.


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